I'll Never Be Your Beast of Burden
by Kuro Hoshi
Summary: Hiei's stomach says one thing, but his heart says another. Can he withstand the prejeduce and silent glares issued in his direction, or will he crumble?
1. Chapter 1

Whether she likes it or not, I'm giving a lot of credit to Hikari Nanase for her ideas and creative sparks. Read what she has wrote, it's some of the finest quality stuff on this damn site!  
  
***  
  
For a while, Hiei had stood on top of a tall building, wind ruffling his hair and cloak flowing majestically behind him. His eyes scanned the area for a place he could possibly eat at. Then it occured to him, he hadn't had a real meal in quite a while. After a moment, his eyes lit up.  
  
MEAT.  
  
It's what it said in neon letters, like some sort of sign...well, yes, it was a sign, written in flourescent red, to be exact.  
  
"So bright," Hiei growled, sheilding his eyes. Normally this was detestable, but Hiei let his stomach decide as he bounded from building top- to-building top. One unthoughtful leap was all it took to send him crashing through a large glass window that was placed as a sky light on the roof. Falling to what he thought was his doom, he landed on something rather soft instead.  
  
"I-I'm alive..." he said slowly as he opened his eyes. Scrambling onto his feet, he looked at what it was that saved him below.  
  
It was a dead cow.  
  
"Food!" Hiei gave a murderous grin as he pulled out his katana. Suddenly, the conveyer belt had stopped.  
  
"Hey boss, this doesn't look like a dead cow!" A large man with a meat cleaver yelled, pointing at Hiei, who looked upwards with large eyes and shruken pupils. Another large man walked over to the first and inspected Hiei for a minute.  
  
"Hm, this one must have escaped the K.O. line. I'll go get a mallet for you."  
  
Hiei jumped up, now out of shock from the stupidity that was displayed (yes, their stupidity acted as a paralysis).  
  
"Back off!" he growled, pointing his weapon in their direction. About twenty large men appeared, all with various sharp (and shiney! don't forget shiney!) tools.  
  
"Hn..." Hiei snarled. At once he was attacked, but he merely leapt upwards and kicked two guys in the head.  
  
"RUNAWAY COW ALERT! SEAL ALL THE EXITS! BAT DOWN THE HATCHES! SEND SOS! ARRRROOOOOGAAA! ARRRRRROOOOOOOGGGGAAAAA!"  
  
The man with a mallet chased after him, and the two sent anything in their path flying in all directions. Hiei desperatly searched for an exit or something to hide in. Seeing some barrels ahead, he jumped into one and poked his head out. Suddenly, the mallet was about to come crashing down on him, so he ducked back down and reappeared in another one.  
  
"Huh?" mallet man said, scratching his head and looked over. Shrugging, he went and brought his mallet down upon the other one, but Hiei kept popping up in different barrels. (OK, what game does that remind you of?)  
  
After the mallet man grew tired, Hiei jumped out and ran towards what looked like a garage door. It was almost all the way closed when he did a front roll and escaped from the crushing jaws of...the closing garage- looking...thing...yeah.  
  
All the guys gathered outside and began jumping up and down, cursing with meat cleavers waved in the air. Hiei looked back a moment. "They look like very angry pygmies..." he thought and laughed.  
  
Still running, he soon found himself standing in a long line after a short period of time. Now he was hungry and impatient. The sound of an angry "MOOOO" caught his attention. He looked behind him and there were 5 of the meat-men on cows, charging his way.  
  
"Dammit!" he shouted, making many parents and their children turned around. The children started crying, and Hiei was immeadiatly being beaten be purses or canes.  
  
"DAMMIT!" he shouted again and started to run. The ticket guy at the begining of the line yelled, "Hey! That guy didn't pay for his ticket!" but he was cut off and run over by a mob of angry parents and 5 angry cows.  
  
Hiei needed an escape, and fast. A large display caught his attention.  
  
The mob looked around carefully for him. "It's like he disappeared," one commented. They passed by the penguin display, and were mesmerized by the cuteness of the penguins doing their thing. The cutest of them all seemed taller than the others.  
  
"Grandpa, why is that one bigger than the other penguins?" one little girl asked.  
  
"Oh dear, that must be the mommy!" the elder replied.  
  
After a good amount of time "Oooo-ing" and "Ahhhh-ing", the mob moved elsewhere. Hiei stopped waddling around with the group of Rockhoppers and took the fish failing around out of his mouth.  
  
"Mommy? I'll show them momm-" as he pulled out his katana and was about to go storming off, he was cut off by a small male rubbing against his leg, cooing.  
  
"What the...get OFF!" Hiei practically screamed, waving his katana. The penguin started humping his leg.  
  
Hiei's face went blank.  
  
"What's that smell?" he asked after a few minutes, then looked down. He looked back up with a look of total disgust. Getting completely frustrated, he stomped off, but slipped and slid down a small ice cliff, crashing into the freezing water below. The penguin, not exactly in the mood to mate anymore, swam off.  
  
Hiei picked himself up with the most dignity he could muster and walked out of the water, melting any of the small iceburgs in a 5 mile radius.  
  
Wringing the now soakes clothes out, Hiei jumped over the wall seperating the people from the animals. Everyone stared and gawked at Hiei, but he didn't even acknowledge them. He shook his leg, making a few fish fall from his pants, then continued walking with his head down and eyes narrowed.  
  
***  
  
There was no doubt about it, he was lost. The mob hadn't been seen for a while, but it didn't matter. He was lost among crowds of screaming children with dripping subsances from every pore and animals that were either sleeping or in diabetic comas.  
  
It was rather depressing.  
  
Wandering around got him nowhere. It just got him deeper in this maze. While his head was down, Hiei bumped straight into a ridiciously pathetic looking creature that -in it's own right- seemed to be spawned from hell itself. And it was handing out free balloons.  
  
"Well *hyuck*! Hey there little fella! Are you lookin' fer your mom?" it asked. Hiei's eyes seeped hatred and fear at the same time.  
  
'What class of demon is this?' his thoughts rattled. Then he responded, "No, I am NOT looking for my...mother. Do you compare me to one of these small ningens? I suggest you stay out of my way if you want your gravity defying devices to stay in their whole."  
  
The clown blinked once and found Hiei gone.  
  
"That kid's got some attitude," it muttered.  
  
***  
  
Hiei took a bite of cotton candy he had swiped from a toddler and began to think of an escape route.  
  
"Hn, I could use my Jagan, but with so many ningens around...that, and I'm still hungry." Tossing the stick aside, it had took him no time to inhale the sugary substance. A sign that said "FOOD" had a long line in front of it, and it wouldn't be worth waiting for. Besides, he had no coins on him.  
  
Deciding to retrace his steps, Hiei turned around. Except he found himself face-to-face with a pair of large eyes. And with the eyes were a pair of horns. And a big, wet nose.  
  
It was an exceptionally large cow.  
  
Hiei looked above it. There was a sign that simply stated "YAK".  
  
"The sign says 'yak', but my stomach says 'food'," Hiei said, stomach growling on cue. No one was paying attention to the poor animal, alas, who pays attention to the yak in the zoo? No matter, it would be substancial for eating purposes.  
  
Next to the yak was a large sign. "Do not EAT the animals."  
  
"Well, rules were meant to be broken..."  
  
Taking this into account, he leapt atop the fence and stared the beast in the eye, who stared back with an impassive expression. Hiei raised his katana above his head and swooped downwards, fangs showing and pupils enlarged with an adreniline rush.  
  
"You have lived an honorable life, now you must die!"  
  
***  
  
The clown looked up, feeling rather dejected. He had made a total of 7 kids cry, not including those who kicked his shins, bit his ankles, and fractured bones.  
  
Who decided that today would be a good day to have field trip with the Anger Managment patients? As if preschoolers were bad enough. Memories flashed back of child harnassing a peacock and successfully riding it, then chasing after him. It was horrifying and humiliating all in one neat package.  
  
And then there was that strange kid.  
  
Who was proceeding to go into the yak cage...  
  
Standing up, the clown rushed over, displaying amazing speed, and grabbed a small foot in mid-air. Hiei's red irises enlarged and he began thrashing about, screaming like a toddler being pulled away from a pet store. The clown just handed him over to the nearest security guard, who in turn motioned the Unruley Crowd over.  
  
"AHHHHH!" Hiei shouted as they began to enclose him, soon growing dark.... 


	2. Chapter 2

Hints of KuramaxHiei. That's all.  
  
***  
  
The eraser at the end of the short pencil had found a home in Kurama's mouth as he pondered a question in his triginomitry homework. He looked at the clock and frowned.  
  
"It's nearly 18 hours and Hiei hasn't arrived. Maybe he's not staying over for the night." Kurma sighed. He was rather bored and easily distracted at this point. Trig was his hardest class, and he was somehow maintaining a C average. After scratching an answer down on paper, he pushed himself out of his desk chair and crashed onto the bed.  
  
And then there was a faint tap on the window.  
  
"ARGH!" Kurama growled in discontent and rolled onto his back. Then he made his way to the window, aloowing a bruised and badly beaten Hiei tumble onto the floor.  
  
"...Bandages..." was all Hiei managed to mumble. Kurama's eyes grew into the size of saucers and he nodded. He raced to the bathroom and pulled out the first aid kit from the medicine cabinet. When he came back, Hiei was stripping himself of his garments, causing Kurama to practically nosebleed.  
  
"Stop staring and hand those to me," Hiei nearly snapped, had it not been for the fact he was far from regaining his breath.  
  
So the two worked as a team. Hiei bandaged from the front as Kurama made him screech by pouring rubbing alcohol on his back.  
  
"KURAMA! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?!" he yelped.  
  
"If you aren't treated properly, you may become infected," the redhead replied in a matter-of-fact manner.  
  
"I'd rather become infected."  
  
"Very well, if you'd like to deal with gangrene and amputation."  
  
Hiei pondered his options and looked at Kurama.  
  
"Give me that." He grabbed the bottle from Kurama's hand and began to pour it all over himself. Kurama sweatdropped and laughed nervously.  
  
"Why do I smell so bad?" Hiei demanded impatiently. Resisting the urge to break out in fits of laughter, Kurama bit down on his thumb. He really could have cared less that his room was beginning to smell like a hospital. Grabbing the nearest article of clothing on the floor, Hiei wrapped it around his head and resembled a muslim woman. Unfortunately, the closest pair of clothing were satin boxers in a dirty pile of laundry, thus making Kurama burst out laughing uncontrollably. Suddenly, the shorter fire demon started running around the room, screaming in pain, "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"  
  
Had Shiori been home, Kurama would have been concerned with the noise level. Luckily, she was working late.  
  
Hiei continued to run around the room until Kurama shut the door as he made his way for the exit. Hiei was now left unconscience.  
  
***  
  
Sunlight began to pour through the blinds, prying open Hiei's eyes from slumber. The outline of Kurama could be seen as brilliant rays engulfed his body.  
  
"You bastard! You horny kitsune! While I was drunk, you took advantage of my body, didn't you?!?"  
  
Kurama blinked.  
  
"Hiei, rubbing alcohol doesn't make you drunk...unless....HIEI! Did you drink it?"  
  
"I woke up last night, I had a headache. It said 'alcohol' on the bottle..."  
  
In response, Kurama slapped his forehead and looked towards the empty bottle lying on the floor.  
  
"Ok, well, why did you think I...did that...to you?"  
  
"I had this crazy dream last night, and I didn't really think you did. Although I was hoping you did. Now give me my katana so I may taunt you a second time!"  
  
"That's it! No more Monty Python reruns for you!"  
  
After a bit of laughter, the two settled down and Kurama sat at the edge of the bed. He looked at Hiei with a smirk.  
  
"So what DID happen yesterday?"  
  
Hiei stretched, sat up, and glared into the distance.  
  
"Well, if you HAVE to know," he began slowly, "I was looking for a meal, when suddenly I was attacked by a horrendous demon of some sort that I've never seen before. It was horrifying. And then this mob of ningens, the must have been associated with it, assulted me with various weapons including gravity-defying devices and stick substances. After they thought they had mistaken me for one of the polar animals, they threw me into an icy pond with many of these other beasts, and one made a mess on my leg! It was the most humiliating thing I've ever been through!"  
  
"I'm sorry I asked."  
  
For a minute, an awkward silence filled the distance between the two.  
  
"So...Kurama, what would you say to getting a yak?"  
  
Kurama looked up and blinked. In all honesty, it was the last thing he expected to hear from Hiei.  
  
"No."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Well, besides the total randomness of that question..."  
  
"The 'why not?' question?"  
  
"No, the question before that..."  
  
"Yeah, that'd be the 'why not?'."  
  
"I mean the question about the yak."  
  
"And not the 'why not?'."  
  
Kurama sighed.  
  
"We can't get a yak."  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"HIEI! Anyway, we can't because we wouldn't be able to put it anywhere and...why do you want to get a yak in the first place?"  
  
"...Burgers?"  
  
"I see....well, I doubt my mother would allow one in the house. Although....that would be a lot of burgers...Hiei, where are you going?"  
  
Hiei had gotten dressed and was now in the process of throwing the dark cloak over his broad shoulders. He turned around and merely replied, "Out."  
  
***  
  
To destroy the enemy, one has to become the enemy.  
  
Hiei was sitting right outside the yak's pen, staring it in the eye. It hadn't blinked for 45 minutes. Hiei was bored. It was then that two men appeared from behind the beast and began to lure it away with fresh vegtables. It snorted at Hiei and followed them.  
  
"Where are you taking that?!" Hiei yelled in total frustration. One of the men turned around and replied, "He's going back home. He was only a temporary display for the zoo."  
  
"Oh..well where would that be?"  
  
"Finland."  
  
And then Hiei was gone.  
  
***  
  
"Kurama, what's the fastest way to Finland?"  
  
"An airplane....where are you going?"  
  
"...Out." 


End file.
